you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm at about main and main street
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
