Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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