Where did you get a picture of my penis
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
