...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
