Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
