I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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