i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
