But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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