my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
