So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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