i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
