drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize