i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
