Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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