1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
well you can't waste a boner
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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