My first STD was from a foam party
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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