don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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