The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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