I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
