I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
