You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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