Your dad touched me again.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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