i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
