did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
