i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
