can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
