I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
