I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
it's like iHOP with fire
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
