yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
