Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
whose parrot is this?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
