I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
