I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
