so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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