My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
