how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
