I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we're making bets on your personal life
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize