Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
