Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
