Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize