so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
