I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
