She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
