I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
