her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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