you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
