Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
