this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Randomize
