Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need to calm my uterus...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
