no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
