i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize