Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
