LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
