Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
