um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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