I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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