please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize