Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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