This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
