She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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