his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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