I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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