i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
