I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize