That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize