Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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