somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
