I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
