You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
