sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
