cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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