you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
