Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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