Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
