i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
did i just pee glitter
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize