At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
