It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
