my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize