My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
