who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
