Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
