you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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