the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
