i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
