i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
high people should be assigned attendants
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
