Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
