seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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