I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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