I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
