he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize