I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
