On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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