Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
