It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize