I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
