sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
