i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
