He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
