For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
