She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
