i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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