a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
What drink are we having for lunch?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
