you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
