FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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